I brought our baby twins to another city’s port to surprise their father, only to find him kissing another woman. I thought asking him to look to his right would finally put someone on my side. But what happened next made me realize I was on my own. So, I started planning my revenge.
I straightened the girls’ hats again while we waited at the cruise terminal.
Ava was fussing.
Mia slept with one fist against her cheek.
I’d brought someone along to help with the babies and our luggage, but I stood there alone for now, waiting for Ryan to disembark.
We waited at the cruise terminal.
Ryan had sailed when I was seven months pregnant.
Two months later, I’d given birth without him.
Now our daughters were three months old.
We’d agreed to meet at home.
Yesterday, unable to bear another hour of waiting, I’d bought tickets to the port city.
I’d given birth without him.
The extra pair of hands had made the journey possible.
I’d barely slept, but I wanted to surprise Ryan.
I couldn’t wait for him to see our girls.
I’d spent most of the trip picturing him dropping his bag and reaching for a baby.
And for a while, someone else would be around to help with the challenge of caring for twins.
I wanted to surprise Ryan.
I’d handled the birth, the night feeds, and the evenings when both babies cried while I sat on the bathroom floor, trying not to wake the neighbors.
Every few days, Ryan called over bad ship Wi-Fi.
“When I’m home, everything changes, babe. I promise.”
***
The doors opened, and Ryan appeared, but he wasn’t alone.
I’d handled the birth
He came out laughing, his arm around a woman pulling a pink suitcase.
Before I could call his name, he leaned down and kissed her.
“What the hell…”
Ryan looked up and saw us.
Instead of looking guilty, he walked over with the woman still beside him.
He kissed her.
“Claire? What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to surprise you.” My voice shook. “So you could finally meet your daughters.”
The woman laughed.
“Well… this is awkward, to put it mildly.”
I spun to Ryan.
“What is this exactly? How long have you been seeing her?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Calm down.” Ryan waved his hand dismissively. “We met on the ship, and it just happened.”
“No strings.” The woman smiled like that fixed everything.
“I mean, you understand that I’m a young, attractive guy, and being alone for that many months just isn’t realistic,” Ryan finished.
“Alone,” I repeated.
“No strings.”
“Yeah. It’s male nature.” He tipped his head to one side. “How do you think I get by at sea? She’s not the first, and she won’t be the last.”
I’d been counting the days until he came home.
Only to get confronted with the news that he’d been cheating on me every time he was away, and thought that was acceptable.
“It’s male nature.”
Then, from the corner of my eye, I saw that my travel companion had returned.
“You know what, honey? I understand. I really do.”
Ryan’s shoulders relaxed.
“But there’s something you forgot. One very important detail. Please look to your right.”
He turned.
That cocky smile disappeared like smoke.
My travel companion had returned.
“Dad.”
Gerald, my father-in-law, stood holding the diaper bag, his face dark.
“You.” He pointed at the woman. “Go on. We need to speak as a family.”
She rolled her suitcase away.
I let out a breath. Ryan might dismiss me, but he listened to his father.
“Go on.”
“Are you out of your mind?” Gerald hissed. “Parading her around in front of your wife? Telling Claire TO HER FACE that you’ve had multiple affairs?”
Ryan ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
For all of two seconds, I felt vindicated.
Then Gerald said something that caught me off guard.
“Are you out of your mind?”
“I’ve been married 34 years,” Gerald continued. “I never once let your mother catch me with another woman, and I certainly never told her about them. Use your head.”
I thought I’d misunderstood.
“You’re telling him he should’ve hidden it better?”
“Sweetheart, lower your voice.” Gerald turned back to Ryan. “Show some respect.”
“You’re right, Dad.” Ryan turned to me. “I’m sorry.”
“Use your head.”
Then he reached toward Mia as though the reunion could begin.
I stepped back. “Don’t.”
“Seriously? You’re going to use the girls to punish me?”
I took the diaper bag from Gerald. “I’m not going to pretend this is okay. I’m leaving.”
“No, you’re not.” Gerald put a hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t.”
“Gerald, don’t…”
“You can’t afford to get home by yourself, Claire,” he said. “And I won’t let you run off with my grandchildren like that just because you’re upset.”
He was right. I couldn’t get afford to get home by myself, and I hated it.
***
On the flight, the men discussed a fishing trip. I watched the twins sleep and thought through my options.
He was right.
***
When we reached the house, Ryan dropped his bag by the door.
“So,” he said. “What’s for dinner?”
“Seriously?”
He rolled his eyes. “We’ve been happy all this time, and it’s not like you’ve got somewhere else to go, so get over it already.”
We’d see about that.
He rolled his eyes.
***
I called my best friend, Dana, the next morning from the nursery.
“What am I going to do? I could ask to go back to work, but then I have to pay childcare, and rent, and food… it won’t work.”
“Come here,” Dana said. “It’s not a long-term solution, but it’s a roof over your head.”
I wanted to say yes. Then I looked at the two cribs and tried to picture fitting our whole life into Claire’s tiny spare room.
“It won’t work.”
“I don’t know… It’s the babies I’m worried about. But I can’t leave them behind.”
My job was waiting, but my leave was unpaid.
Ryan’s pay covered most of the household bills.
Perhaps I could wait until he sailed again. I could work, save, and prepare without having to live beside him every day.
“I can’t leave them behind.”
***
That night, I found him holding Ava in the nursery doorway.
Her hand was wrapped around his thumb.
Ryan hummed and smiled when she turned toward his voice.
He could be gentle. He could love them. Perhaps the girls could have that, and I could learn to live with the rest.
She turned toward his voice.
His income.
Most months without him. A family that still looked like one.
Then he laid Ava down and followed me to our bedroom.
I’d left a blanket on the couch.
“I’m not sleeping out there,” he said.
Most months without him.
“Ryan, I can’t just get into bed beside you.”
“You can’t keep punishing me for something that’s over.”
He climbed into bed.
“If you insist on treating me like I’m single, don’t act shocked when I act like it.”
I looked at the space beside him.
“I can’t just get into bed beside you.”
Staying would mean hearing that whenever I refused to pretend we were fine.
I took my pillow to the nursery and lay on the floor until the window turned gray.
***
Dana called the next day.
“I know a childminder who might have room for two babies,” Dana said. “I’ll call her. You call your boss.”
And that’s what I did.
I refused to pretend we were fine.
My manager offered three early shifts or longer evening shifts.
“Come see me on Thursday,” he said.
Dana had an appointment Thursday.
Ryan would be home, so I asked him to watch the girls during my meeting.
“Sure,” he said, looking at his phone. “No problem.”
“Come see me on Thursday,”
He’d failed me as a husband.
I still hoped I could count on him as their father.
Then everything changed.
***
The next morning, Ryan came into the kitchen smiling.
“Good news. Holloway put me forward for the shore position. It’s approved. No more months away.”
Everything changed.
Mr. Holloway managed Ryan’s department and would oversee the move into the new job.
Ryan had talked about winning his favor. I hadn’t known he was applying to stay ashore.
“You wanted me home, babe. Now you’ve got me.”
Months ago, that news would have made me happy.
Now, it was the worst thing that could’ve happened.
“No more months away.”
“I invited Holloway to dinner Friday,” Ryan added. “To thank him. Cook something nice.”
I forced a smile.
***
Thursday morning, I was dressed for my meeting when Ryan came downstairs jingling his keys.
“I’ve got to run some stuff for the new job. You’ll have to move your meeting.”
“You said you’d watch them.”
“Cook something nice.”
“This promotion matters to everybody. You should be supporting me.”
He left before I could answer.
I called Gerald.
I didn’t expect sympathy anymore. But perhaps he would spare two hours for his granddaughters.
“Ryan promised to watch them. He’s gone, and my meeting’s in 40 minutes.”
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